Skip to main content

today's health counselor

Your site for finding the answers you seek
todays Health Counselor Home page  Contact Us  Member Login  thought of the day  song page  product reviews   
negative emotions
love tanks
stress management
feeling letters
test page
feeling letters
    Feeling letters are a method, created by John Gray, that help us to process our feelings. They are also a way of filling up our "love tanks" (giving yourself love) and connecting to our true self, which is naturally joyful, loving, confident and peaceful. People have all kinds of misunderstandings and mistrust of their emotions. Often we think that letting go of our feelings means not feeling them. This is actually suppression of feelings and desires.  Desires and feelings go hand in hand, you can't have one without the other. In order to let go of our emotions, it is necessary to feel them. Letting go of emotions increases trust, feeling emotions increases caring, and the two together create passion. By staying in touch with your emotions, both negative and positive, your desires are strong, powerful, and alive.
    One misunderstanding is that we should always be positive. This is not possible, and if we attempt to always be positive, we will suppress our negative emotions, which weakens our power to get what we want. On the other hand, positive emotions are characteristics of our true nature. We are naturally joyful, loving, confident and peaceful. And yet we need love to feel these emotions. We naturally move back and forth between the positive and negative emotions, it's just the way it works. Life is full of challenges that often prevent us from getting what we want at the time we want it. Negative emotions are inevitable. To quote John Gray, "if you want a life free of negative emotions, visit a graveyard and rest in peace!"
    Feeling letters have a general format, which allows you to process your emotions. First, you imagine writing a letter to someone in your life who you want to know how you feel (you don't need to send this to that person, this is for your healing, though it's always a good idea to let that person know how you feel, if you believe they are open to hearing it, after you have resolved the feelings, and you can come from a more loving perspective). In this letter, you express your ,negative feelings and the desire linked with them.
     Next, write a response letter, imagining that person saying the loving things you want to hear.  This could include an apology, asking for forgiveness, making promises to give you what you need. Also, this person would recognize the positive things you deserve. It's ok, if in real life, that person would never say those things. They may not be capable of giving you the love you need, or they may not be alive to give you that love. You can't begin to imagine how effective this is until you try it. With practice, you become very good at it. Your imagination is very powerful.
                                                                                                            Then, write a connection letter, in which you may express forgiveness, love, confidence and gratitude (among other things). This helps you to connect to your true self. Of course, you want to feel all the feelings, don't just give them lip service. This is for your healing, not to convey a less than genuine message to someone, because you think it's what they want to hear. Shedding tears is a normal part of the process. However, sharing your feelings from a more resolved, loving place with someone who is able to hear what you are saying is always a good idea. The key is can they hear it from a loving place or will they get defensive.
     For the details on feeling letters, and how to write them, check out John Gray's books, either " What you feel, you can heal", or "How to get what you want, and want what you have".